This post is in response to Cheeseboy's earlier post about Walter Duckface.
Walter Duckface (aka Whit Hertford - please click his name to see a picture as this will help you appreciate the story - I'm not going to post the picture in fear of getting sued) and I have a long history. A history that Walter has no idea even exists.
I too was a Full House aficionado. I appreciated me some Uncle Jesse (have mercy) and Uncle Joey action (well blow me down). Worst Popeye impression ever, by the way. I had an appreciation for DJ, Kimmy Gibler and the Olson twins. But the best episodes always seemed to revolve around Stephanie's weird friends.
Walter Duckface was a classic episode that has been burned in my memory forever. So as the fates would have it, Walter and I would have a few run-ins down this crazy road that we call life.
Walter and my best friend Nate ended up in a class together at the U of U. No kidding. It wasn't an institute class, so whether he's a Mormon or not I couldn't say. But this I do know: He called Utah home about 10 years ago. Nate and I thought it was random awesomeness. To my knowledge, Walter never spoke of having a 2-episode role in Full House. He did however talk of his role in the Blockbuster Jurassic Park. The funny thing is that his role in Jurassic Park is nearly identical to his role in Full House. He plays a very duckface-ish character.
Anyway - One night Nate and I and some friends were at Movies 10 in Sugarhouse. I don't remember the movie we were there to see but I do vividly remember seeing Walter Duckface in the lobby. Of course my eyes were drawn to him. He was a local celebrity for Peter Breinholt's sake. It was like running into Kurt Bestor at Wendy's. You too would watch what Kurt Bestor orders. Is he going for the spicy chicken or the 5-piece nugget?
So there I was, staring at Walter Duckface from afar, when I noticed he was concealing an outside beverage inside his levi jacket. As he attempted to pass by the 17-year old pimply-faced ticket taker, the ticket taker spotted the outside food or drink. It was quite a sight to behold. And I kid you not, this is exactly how the conversation went...
Ticket Taker: "Excuse me mam... Excuse me mam... Mam... You can't bring in outside food or beverage."
Walter Duckface: "Well since you called me mam I think I can."
Ticket Taker: "Oh, I'm sorry." Both were bright red from embarrassment at this point. "But you still can't take in the drink."
Walter Duckface then discards the beverage in a nearby trash receptacle, throwing it violently into the garbage, and walks into the movie theater with a disgusted and heartbroken look on his face.
END OF ACT 1
I really felt sorry for Duckface. But the more I thought about it, the less sorry I felt. Sure, he was mistaken for a woman. But because of his looks he was able to land some pretty impressive Hollywood roles. We can't all be Brad Pitt. Someone has to play the Walter Duckface roles of the world. Good for Walter.
It has been nearly 10 years since that night, and I haven't seen Duckface since. While memories fade and good times become fuzzy, the experience remains in my mind, vividly. Like the time I bumped into Donny Osmond at the local Hogi Yogi. But that's another story...
ps. If you doubt any of the above events, I'm sure Nate's got my back on this.
5 comments:
He is a member he was in my singles ward just before I marred Nate.
This is amazing - absolutely amazing. I never would have guessed that anything like this had taken place when I wrote my original Duck Face post. I'm blown away.
What I really want to know is... what would he do if you went right up to him and said, "How's it going, Duckface?"
The above statement is true as is the following. I remember one Sunday at church I was waiting for Gretta, and Duckface and I were standing by each other so I started a casual conversation and mentioned his impressive credentials. He went on about how his true love was the stage and we talked about some plays and stuff that I really didn't know anything about. But I'm really looking forward to the day when Duckface The Musical hits Broadway.
That picture is disturbing. And is it a huge coincidence that Jurassic Park is #1 in my netflix queue ever since my husband asked to rent it to show the kids a week ago?
Haha, I totally laughed at the whole "Mam" thing. Poor guy. It's a good thing his looks did make him some money. i hope he finds a woman who appreciates him for his spirit, if he hasn't already. Good ol duckface. I believe it was Uncle Jesse who reminded Stephanie to look on the inside, which she did, being the good girl that she was. Now the question is, do you remember who Charles was???
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